Bed gay life

I am a 24-year-old female college student, there cheap bridesmaid dresses is a long-term problem unspeakable torture me, pain and agony, unable to escape. It stands to reason, "man, love, girls in Love is a human biological instinct, but I do not like men, and even dislike them.
I do not want to touch the opposite sex, but not romance. In my opinion, as a female, is the greatest misfortune in life. There are three reasons: First, in the eyes of some men, a woman is like a secret locked in a box, and it is this secret urge them to do everything possible to find whatever means to open the "key to the box, however, when a woman exposed exhaustive, they will complete their "great and glorious task, this man Shifen hateful, and the second, just like people, like flowers, greenhouse, there are many flowers, such as barbed roses, peonies, etc. succeeds, they each has a different charm and gorgeous. Similarly, different women, they also have a different character, decency and beauty, and some men they are nothing but want to experience the look, I think this hate the old man is more detestable. Third, a number of well-behaved men, their heart may not be so, but because of the family, children, law and public opinion, nothing more, but the vast majority of men also want to find a wife and mother.
For these reasons, the high school I had a single idea. Admitted to college, slightly worse than English, I topped the list of all subjects in class. Teachers liked me, specially arranged for an English class with my best female students at the same table, female students who was a year younger than me, her English level, reading fluency from text to sweet, I am very envious of her often asked her to read the text to me, she is very happy. However, in envy, however, her I had a subtle impression. I began to observe her, she is so beautiful, so gentle, quiet, and conversation have a great accomplishment, character and quite introverted. During this period, I most regret is that why not a male, but I have the courage to say to her.
Over time, increasing our feelings, in a Saturday afternoon, I ask her to the park to play, she readily agreed. The flowers and leaves in the park, we talked a lot, for a long time, each other's words for the intoxicated, I really want to hysteric to kiss her, hug her. I want to be brought to her, she would not refuse. So I said to her: "I can kiss you? She was not surprised, she said:" As you have evening dresses it. In this way, I kissed her, I frenetic sucking her tongue full of sensual and homeopathic her in his arms, closed her eyes, let me kiss his fill. Since the beginning of our gay lives.
Then, one night, we slept in the same bed ...... she told me a lot of heart. She said: "I already fell in love with you, with you I feel very full, very happy, but whenever I talk to you face to face, standing in front of me always felt a man, I can not face you, and always burn whistling face, she added: "I love you, I gave you everything, I belong to you, will always belong to you. She also asked me: "You will never love me? I am worried that you will hate the old, no longer love me, then I would be finished, it was all over my heartfelt way she said:" Believe me, if the Wiener Sri Lanka showed in me attractive, then it is just this time. It is the first and last time. If one day you do not love me, I will never hate you. Instead, I will never silently bless short cocktail dresses you. Do you remember Chernyshevsky said this sentence do? 'What it means to love someone? This means that for her happiness and pleasure. She smiles, as affectionate touching. Then I said to her: "Honey, I love you! I get proud of you. On that night, we were with sexual contact.
The reason I have to say, do so because: I originally intended to celibacy; I really love her; she told me so concerned, considerate. And her English is good, my English has improved performance with the help of her hard work. So, sometimes I take the initiative to propose to her the kind of request, or she gently told me that request. However, this relationship can only last until graduation. After graduation we were to far apart, Whenever I think of this, my heart was very painful, and sometimes can not help but burst into tears. Recently, my lack of energy all day, every night of insomnia, such thoughts endlessly around me, destroy me, can not escape, the body day by day collapse. I'm young, I longed to enjoy the normal life of the spirit of the future, how should I do?